The Beginning

 What a life altering experience this past six months has been. I can honestly say I enjoyed every moment. highs. lows. getting high. I have achieved what I set out to do as I threw my last bit of energy out to the universe in hope to be healed and now it seems it is providing me a path of opportunity and happiness. At some points I didn't think I was going to have my breakthrough, but in the chaos and the stillness of the last half of my 24th year it engulfed me at the perfect moment. I came out more independent, brave, wise, and true to myself. I'm growing again and will continue to do so. Happiness is yours. Whenever you want it. Just open your heart.

skip this post if you have morals

This post, although i will try to be a little less descriptive, is rated don't read if your my grandparents, or XXX. Night 1: took off to Soi Cowboy, infamous for it's sex shows but luckily classier (if that can be said) then Patpong area (don't worry, we got there too). Camilla and I wrangled two other stragglers and I met up with my friend Mr. Jambells and we went into Long Gun which is supposed to have the best show in the safest environment. While the girls here seemed like they were having a much better time then other places I've been to (I mean, I haven't done this sort of thing before. I mean I haven't...I didn't... Never mind) we were all too busy chatting to realize there were about a dozen naked girls in front of us and next thing I know we are all running to the clubs. Jambells and  I ditched the other three as they got sucked into a black hole of club death and took off for the RCA. Yup, it's rainy season everywhere, it was nothing how I remembered. We shook our tail feathers a bit before we headed home for the night. Fun Fact: I woke up on the floor with... You guessed it! A plate of Pad Thai by my side. Night 2: J: What are we doing tonight Britt? B: I'm glad you asked James. Tonight we will be going to a ping pong show... Jambells get a giant grin on his face and high fives me, J: I told you you are my favorite person I've met in this trip right? As the sun begins the set we end up taking down some beers and having too many Jägerbombs with an East Indian couple we met. The husband had me in tears, his humor is as dry Hilary Clinton during the Lewinsky days, and his wife was just so peaceful. Really lovely people I hope to visit, or as he said, babysit for, in the near future. Bu then it was time. We got in a cab and headed to Patpong, the red light district. We were barely out of the vehicle and some guy was leading us down an alley, yay!, and up some grubby ill lit steps, yay! We took our seats, only customers in the house, ugh and waited for the fun to start. I'll put this in list form and you can use your imagination. This is what the girls can do: pop balloons, blow out candles, knit a scarf, drop fish in glass, something to do with a razor blade, typical magician scarf trick, and of course, ping pong balls. On that note, Jambells and I were both offered a paddle (so happy I have purel in my purse) as the woman shot at us. I screamed the whole time and Jambells actually hit it back and it smoked her in the face, bonus! Then one of the girls come around with a little aquarium net and scooped up the balls from where ever they have been shot. Let's get out of here. Fun Fact: these women are leeches, always tip, but tip small, and go with a girl if you can, we save the day. Night 3: my favorite! Gay night! Jambells, a true friend, came with me for most of the fun. I told the cabbie Silom but as we arrived realized we were back in the Patpong area. Hold up tonto, I want gay boys. He started laughing, you like gay boy? Yes, I hope to be one in my next life. Turns out all the gays were loving life in the soi's surrounding Patpong and I totally missed them the night before. Damn. So here we go, starting on the pub street I'm surrounded, surrounded! I start chatting immediately with the bar tenders and servers (this boys are hot!) and finally work my way snaking through tables conversing and getting pictures with randoms. Just before heading to the other Soi, there all the clubs are, I met Miss Congeniality. What a diva. He and I started tranny stomping down the street holding hands and singing Lady Gaga as Jambells chased after us. "tonight we dance! We dance because we are beautiful! We dance to let our beautiful energy out!" and his shirt is off and he is in a cage like a glorious cockatoo. I'm bouncing around like crazy between the two rooms trying to make up my mind where to be as one has better music but the other has better people and realize there is another floor! At this point my pupils are dilated, I can't stop dancing, and my smile has concurred my face. Jambells walks up to me (from the cage, good for him!) and says "flourish Britt, have fun with your boys, I'm going home) weeeee! Next thing I know I've started chatting with one really cute boy who wants this other really cute boy to come to this underground club, but he won't budge. Don't worry BB's got it. Yup, gays in the bag...let's roll! I was the only girl in this last club, surrounded by yum yum everywhere. It's actually more fun to be surrounded but ripped, hot, gay guys because they are all going to love and give you so much attention, as opposed to the breeders. We danced and danced and anytime I needed anything my gays had it covered, they even came to the bathroom with me. I swear they would have held my hand had I asked them. Just before sun up I had to try and nab a tuk tuk as my voice was gone, I looked like the rat that ran over my foot in China town, and Jambells and I were heading to Chatachuk market. Fun Fact: we never made it to the market.

We have come to terms

Oh Bangkok, I give up, I love you. I had three nights arranged  before I got on the flight for my next adventure. So I decided to go full throttle and do everything "Bangkok"  and take some hostages with me. I have to start off with saying minus the giant, wet rat running over my foot, China town here is so amazing! I mean you can get ANYTHING and it's actually really fun to walk through and get lost. Of course we went to MBK and Siam Square but that's just the shopping to fill the void of the hours we weren't partying. Getting down to business we managed to stay at a really cheap guesthouse called Peachy, near Khao San and Rambuttri (prime location), about $5.00 and very, uh, interesting but it does have a beer garden with great live music every night. Fun Fact: have upgraded to the tuk tuk from the taxi meter! I'm one hell of a barterer now.

the South of France you say?

 I met a really lovely (can't believe I'm saying this) French girl on the train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok (18 hours this time?) and we had this immediate connection. So of course we slammed back about 6 large Chang's and really got to chatting. Not the same old traveller talk, life chats, I felt like I'd known her for years and I really needed some girl time. It was a very interesting train ride... I referred to the beer lady as Mum and teased her relentlessly as she pressed more beer on me and gave me a massage by the end of it all. We made friends with a group of loud Aussie's who were the only other ones drinking and had a super lame chat with some West Coast know it all Canadians, in their early 20's of course. We argued with the staff that puts down the beds (it was only 7 p.m. And the sun was still up) but by the end of the train ride it was just a whole lot of sass and everyone was laughing. Let's put it this way. The man came by to put down the beds (I was top bunk and there was no one below me so we could leave it as seats for Camilla and I) and we told him to leave the bottom one as is. He shocks his head furiously and demanded our tickets even though were told him where we were sleeping. Eventually we gave him our tickets and when he saw we weren't b.s. Ing him he just tossed us back our tickets and walked away. It was about 5:30 a.m., when my bunk curtain was torn open and it was the man again, "get up." alright sunshine bear, you got it! I just couldn't be bothered to do anything but laugh as I looked up and down the train car and I was the only person he had woken up so far (I was in the middle of the car). About an hour later, at the appropriate hour, he started waking everyone else up. He pulled back Camilla's curtain (she had ear plugs and a sleep mask on) and one again "get up, give me the blanket" and just stood there staring at her. She looked so confused and asked for just a minute, to I don't know, wake up maybe? Not everyone jumps out of bed like I do when the alarm goes off. He just continued to stand there, about to pull her blanket, as she was like "whoa dude, I have no pants on" he turned and looked at me, i'm grinning like an idiot over the whole ordeal, and marched off again. Best train ride ever. Of course by the time we arrived Camilla and I were splitting a cab, sharing a room, and doing one night in the big city together. Fun Fact: you can literally sit on the steps or hang outside of the train if you want. Ahhhhh!

Nothing ends a yoga class like a hot cup of talk

For my second shot at energizing my mind body and soul I signed up for a yoga class. Let me tell you, the day after the massage class it didn't seem like the best idea as I sauntered bowl legged to Mam's house. Mam is a 67 year old Hindu (both Thai and East Indian) from Bangkok but you'd never know it but her flexibility and outlook on life. She is not only physically fit but has the mentality of someone so young and still learning but with firm beliefs and opinions. Her class started out with a half hour meditation and moved from stretching to a few classic yoga moves into several rounds of the sun salutation. I'm embarrassed to say that our fitness levels are no where near each other. I did empress myself with some poses and was disappointed with others, Bikram yoga is definitely the way to go if you are questioning your flexibility. Mam also had us practicing hand stands, what a treat and was very confident everyone could do one, and we all could, thanks Mam I'll add that to my resume 'can stand on head'. To end our yoga session Mam whipped us up a Thai meal and we all sat around listening to her gossip. I was laughing so hard a noodle came out my nose. Drama drama everywhere. She told us who was drinking, who had several wives, who was a con artist, trouble maker, you name it. She just lit up when she was dishing all this news but a little of it was rather disturbing. It sounds like she fights with most of the women here because she is friends with the foreigners and happy doing her own thing. They criticize her for cooking for her students and giving them cheap accommodation but as she says "don't tell me my business" and she can't take her money with her when she dies and as long as her dogs are fed she is happy. She has also donated her body to the hospital after she passes as she says she is a teacher in life and will be in death (meaning her body will teach the med students) what a lovely concept. to top it all off she keeps the empty water bottles of the students to give to the disabled man who wanders around picking through garbages so that he doesn't have to do that. It was a very enlightening day and I've achieved a happiness buckets can't provide. Fun Fact: While we were all struggling into handstands against the wall trying not to fall over Mam went to the middle of the room popped herself up on her head in one swift motion and went into the splits. My jaw dropped, 67 years young! 

Thai massage with Aum

Let me first introduce to you little Ting Tong before I get the ballet that is Thai massage underway. Ting Tong in Thai means crazy, and my teacher, Aum, has it tattooed behind her ear. This short stack is covered in tattoos, drinks whiskey like a champ, and has a soothing voice as she coos "Dahling" at everyone she encounters. I went to sign up for  her massage course and she was clearly on a day off, drinking beers with the girls. I stopped by the market at night for some cheap eats as her and her friend screamed at me to join them. They had already conquered four bottles of Sang Som, this is looking promising. The best part was she kept saying "oh! I have to teach tomorrow dahling, look at us!" I was under the impression she forgot it was me. But this set me at ease for the next days events. I arrived bright eyed and bushy tailed as I waited for Aum to finish eating or wake up or what have you, ha! But she came in gracefully with a giant smile on her face and a "oh dahling, I think you know how I feel" all to well Aum, let's do this! She was a fantastic teacher, hung over as she was, the little gem even fell asleep during my practice on her. That made me laugh the most as she peeked at me through half open eyelids and said "ok we break dahling, I need a nap" cool, see you in a hour, you ball of fun. Basically she demonstrates on me, describing how her hands are the placement, pressure, duration, etc and then we switch and I go to work on her. I was pretty nervous but she had me at ease instantly with her soft slumber like voice saying "gooooood" "you have good thumbs, good pressure" and my favorite "chtick chtick chtick" which means you are done and can write down what you just did. We made it through the whole course in just four hours, I was pretty impressed considering all the work that goes into it, right up to a face and scalp massage (hello extra ten dollars in my services for hair!). I have an entirely new appreciation for the strength and limberness of these tiny woman. I was sweating, my back hurt, and when I woke up this morning I had muscles I never knew I had, mainly in the butt area. Now the Thai ladies have got the massage down pat, they move around you like little spider monkeys, manipulating and massaging, in one fluid motion. I however, was far less graceful and almost fell over several times as well as "cheated" a bit on certain sections because my body is not used to being bent over someone in such a way. I struggled the most with compensating for how tiny Aum is and stretching out the legs, I've never been praised for my balance. But came out feeling confident, her gentle voice is always helpful. Fun Fact: Thai massages hurt. But well worth it when it's over, who's up?! I need practice.

A little strung out

I was so happy to return to Pai. It's a funky, artsy, musician filled hippie town with so much to do and plenty of live music. Unfortunately when I arrived here the scene had definitely quieted down as it is rainy season. Typically the night market is swarmed with people and you can eat your way to a food coma down the street noshing on everything from sushi to vegetarian lasagna, baked potatoes and corn on the cob. Of course classics like pad Thai and Thai omelette are served at a fantastic price of 30 baht.  Yum! However, there are not nearly as many shops, restaurants, or vendors open so the magic has settled a little. Seems like wet season is a bit of a hard time out here. I just couldn't bring myself to wander bar to bar as only a few people occupied each place and in their own groups, I appear to be the only solo traveller. Just not up for making friends, gauging their energy. So I spent plenty of time flooding my head with the latest celebrity gossip, yup Johnny Depp is single, get in line ladies and lady boys! And decided this was no way to spend four days. Something was missing from my normal go get em' attitude and with only a week left in my second home I decided to jump on the band wagon and take some courses I had been putting off for months. Fun fact: I finally made my way to the tea house to do some writing, enjoy some chai, and what do I know! Some beautiful acoustic is humming in the background. A lovely last night in Pai.

A shout out!

It has been brought to my attention that I have a reader I did not know about, who is also interpreting to a second party who is too busy with her soup diet to read. So! I'd like to say "hello Papa! Love and miss you! G'ma, also!" Fun Fact: this blog is to be taken lightly, excuse my language and or behavior.

Doxycycline

an antibiotic that prevents the development of parasites in the blood that cause Malaria. This fantastic little pill costs as little as 25 baht or just under a dollar for 5 tablets in SE Asia. If traveling abroad (unless it's Mexico, then you just sit back and have another margarita, amigo) look into risk zones and availability of prescriptions drugs in the country. SE Asia is a godsend when it comes to obtaining whatever you want by walking into a pharmacy, and very inexpensive. So let's do a little math. Ok I'll tell you the scenario and you do the math or we are all in over our heads. It is recommended you take a 100 mg dose (1 pill) a day, two days before you enter the risk zone, while in the risk zone and for four weeks after you have left. SO... I'm going out on a limb here... If you are in a malaria risk zone for five days you need 35 pills and it's just under $6.00. Are you still wondering why people out here grow so old? It's so cheap and accessible to be medicated. Now I just saved you hundreds of dollars if I'm right. If I'm wrong I will probably end up with malaria. Fun fact: On the plus side it's recommended you take doxycycline with quinine (for 7 days), so enjoy those gin and tonics everyone! Disclaimer: I am not a licensed physician. all information is based on the results I got from the monkeys I tested on. PETA for life.

Mosquitos. How rude!

I've learned a thing or two about Malaria and other diseases in my travels. Let me start by saying, do your research first, talk to other travelers. When I first went to the travel clinic to see what shots and precautions were needed for my trip I was more then overwhelmed due to the fact I have wander lust and not paid holiday. For some, you know where and when you are going, what you are doing, and for how long. For those like myself you know the country or countries you will be visiting but not specifically the areas, season, or events that may be taking place during this time. Therefor, things can get expensive. The vaccinations seem to add up, both a pain in the arm and wallet (thanks, dad!)it may seem like a money grab (everything is) but the health nurses are also very concerned about the severity of the illness' if contracted. You can definitely weigh your options as to what is absolutely necessary (certain shots are needed to enter a country) and what seems the odds are actually in your favor on a positive note. For example, it was stressed to me that I take a treated mosquito net with me. Turns out every guesthouse has a mosquito net or a fan or air con to keep those pests at bay. So let's just say I threw $50 down the drain (no biggie in Canada, or 3 dozen Timmy's coffees) however that's a full week of local food and accommodation out here, I rue the day. Better safe than sorry? Well I'm sorry, I didn't need that. Malaria, right, back on track. Looking at the maps I couldn't give the nurse a straight answer but it looked like I wasn't going to be living in the jungle or hanging out in the pasture so I opted out. Just today though I spoke with a local who informed me Pai has Malaria, I did not have this information last time I was here. So I typed to my good friend WWW. For help. I'm not sure what medication they prescribe to you at the travel clinic when you accept malaria pills, but i do know it can get VERY costly as you need to take it x amount of days before, during, and after your time in a malaria zone. It could end up being hundreds of dollars. Fun fact: this post is getting long...the next will have the actual information and probably another rant for good measure.

Back in the arms of Thailand :)

Yeeeee! I love this place so much, I always forget. I'm currently in a small border town (Nong Khai, I think) waiting to tackle a 17 hour minibus ride to Pai. But, I've already had some fun... First off I'm pretty much on my own doing the border thing since I'm the only dumb dumb not heading straight for Bangkok, but there is always someone ot meet me at my next check point. Cue driver. So, I'm filing out my arrival card and I feel someone standing over me, suddenly he starts pointing like a maniac all over the paper so I look at him blankly and start laughing. Then he starts laughing and what do you know?! Well mister driver sir, I don't have a visa number, second off, why do you smell like my grandma? Ahhh! Whiskey, the scent of the prairies. He was an amazing driver though, very speedy. Then he made noises the whole time he had to carry my tumor (23 kg backpack) and pretended to cry. I was very sad when we parted ways as he was very gentlemanly offering me a chair and yelling at girls on the street. Thailand, let's never be apart again. For the next best part. The better I think (wish I could have stayed to see how it panned out) I'm putting my backpack through the X-ray, not quite sure why, as no one is in the room. and realize when I get to the other side that there is a hold up. Oh! What is it you wonder? Well let me tell you! This woman's suitcase is wide open and there are stacks upon stacks of fake, bundled, hundo's! So I'm killing myself laughing, maybe I shouldn't, but this money is just so fake looking that I have no clue what her plan even was. It was like a scene from a movie! So the woman is marching about yelling in Thai and the border guys are on the phone looking all serious, and I'm eyeing the cookies that were covering the fake money. What a treat, I wish I knew what was going on. Fun fact: Yay! Driver is back, and "reading" this over my shoulder, laughing and smelling all familiar.

Going out with a bang in Vang Vieng

All I want to do right now is drink a pitcher of blue Kool-Aid. The raspberry lemonade kind. And eat a dozen perogies. God, do I miss that.     Also, hours on the couch watching Dr. Oz, drinking Timmy's coffee. Ok, I vented, back to pack backing! The adventure continues! I've managed a week in Vang Vieng. My bed is full of dirt and baguette crumbs, I have pictures and videos that are definitely questionable and I'm pretty sure my baby toe (what is it really called? Pinky toe? Fifth toe? Toe that keeps balance?) in the evolution to come we won't even have it anymore...is broken. I had so much fun! All the while maintaining a proper prairie girl reputation, being called a bad influence and meeting people who go "you're Canadian Britt, I've heard of you!" why thank you. The town is really lovely, calm by day, nestled into the mountains full of 'full moon party' day glow wearers. It's rather quiet in rainy season, with multiple hangovers watching hours of Friends and Family guy, drinking mango shakes to make up for the lack of vitamins and holy crap! ... If I could type right now that would be a real treat! Don't blog after tubing. Getting to the tubing is whats up. The are several bars strewn across the river with jenga, swings, volleyball, you name it, tons of fun things to do! And lots and lots of mud. You can make your way by tube, or foot, I gave both a shot but decided I Didn't want my tube, I wanted to be attached to someone else's. It's absolute madness out there, they throw out a rope to pull you into the bar because the current is quite strong,  and unfortunately the river claims several lives a year, I can see why.  It's easy to see how people get trapped and start working here or how some people have dozens of bracelets on (you get a bracelet every bar you go to). They workers abuse themselves on a daily basis, some play as many as 20 beer pong games, other have to do a shot every time a boat comes in (roughly 3 every ten minutes) and others luck out and hang around the bar. No one leaves tubing in a proper state of mind. After a day of madness you can work your way to party island where buckets are FREE! And let the carnage continue. I prefer to alternate days of tubing and free buckets, you know, turning 25 and all...send help! Normally party island shuts down around two a.m. But you can currently dance until sun up since it's the Eurocup and the bars stay open until six a.m. Woof. Luckily my bed is a short crawl away. Fun Fact:Vang Vieng is clustered around an old airstrip once used by the CIA to fly covert missions during the Vietnam War.

It continues, like a waterfall

On my final day with Robert the Austrian physicist we decided to hit up the waterfalls. This guy was truly a gem to have in my life for a couple days. He came with me to the hospital and held my hand, in our down time he taught me physics and all the ways you can apply it... Basically to everything. But don't watch an action movie with him because he'll ruin the special effects by explaining why that was not possible. To top it all off he was just great company, I felt very at home with him. We got to spend the day at the most beautiful waterfalls I've ever seen in my life. Five tiers of liquid turquoise pooling into each other, the type of waterfall you know someone with too much money attempts to create on their own private island. The water was exceptionally cool, like Regina beach in June, so I found it very refreshing. All the others handled the shock better by flying off, or belly flopping from the swing rope. Robert was the only one who looked like he knew what he was doing up there as he'd swing out into a perfect backflip. Most people just smashed the water right from the get go. All in good fun I suppose. I didn't partake as my ankle is still a little sore and I managed to take a rather grueling trek up to the highest point of the waterfall. Was it worth it? I can't believe people I pass by ask me that question. Of course it is! The reward was a panoramic view of the pristine mountains while standing in an infinity pool.  Now my biggest stress was making it back in time to catch my 4:00 p.m. Bus to Vang Vien which meant I had to be back at my guest house at 3:30 and leave the falls by 2:30. Okay, got that covered it's only 3:10...3:30...3:54...4:05. I knew that guy at the ticket office didn't have a clue what he was doing. So I got mom and dad of the guest house to call and see what was up. Needless to say I sat around until ten to five before someone finally showed up. So I'm tuk tuking to the bus station, he takes my ticket, they chat for a while and he hops back in and motions for me to get back in and says "tuk-tuk!". I look at him and question, to VV?! He just starts howling and points in the direction of the next bus station. Buddha, have mercy. So my four o'clock mini bus ride to Vang Vien has turned into a five o'clock V.I.P (don't let that fool you) bus ride to Vientien, that at some point they will throw me off in the middle of nowhere to fend for myself. I am excited for this adventure? No. Usually I am. But I'm hangry (yes, so hungry I'm angry) and utterly exhausted because of course I couldn't sleep last night with all the excitement of waterfalls and bus rides. Hopefully this pans out...Fun Fact: totally got highway robbed by a tuk tuk (overcharging I mean) I looked him in the eye and said, you should be ashamed of yourself. He actually looked shocked! Winning!

My solo jungle trek adventure supreme in Nong Khiaw

Wow. Who knew I had it in me. I had really only gone to Nong Khiaw because Shay (the Israeli guy) couldn't make it this trip. But it was well worth it. Not only was the town quietly tucked away in the mountains with not a soul in sight but there was a fantastic, at times a little trying, trek to the cave of Thames Pha Tok. It started with a 3.5k trek in the blistering sun up and down, round and round a dirt road. Finally I reached a sign "directing" me to the cave. This is where it starts. I entered through a broken gate into a rice paddy. I should have turned around just then. I continued along the rice paddy tracks as not to fall into the newly watered earth, passed water buffalo and farmers. AND continued through more farmers fields, climbing over fences, and through corn fields. All the while I was following arrowed signs (usually pointing up and hundreds of meters apart) back tracking I'm sure. Eventually I made my way through a tiny path that was heavily jungled, under trees, over trees, up a slippery clay incline, with bugs the size of timbits whizzing by my ears. I was terrified, exhausted, and looked like I just stepped out of the shower. It was amazing! The cave however was a little beyond me. I went down, as far as I trusted myself and the cave. It definitely didn't see much traffic up there or in the interior, there were loose rocks everywhere so I didn't make it far, maybe if I was with a tour.  Fun fact: the cave was where villagers hid during the Second Indochina War. I couldn't imagine doing that trek in that sort of a situation.

Finding what I was looking for...

It took some time, almost the whole trip. But as I drove hours into the mountains, so high I was literally in the clouds, with trees below and blue sky above I made it to Luang Prabang. I found solace of the soul. A week passed without me noticing it as I wondered the streets, up 100m to the temples of Phu Si, and over the bridge staring at the beautiful Nam Khan. There is a still silence in this town, a calm that washes over the friendly smiles and drawn out "sabai dii's", it takes effect on everyone who comes here and what perfect timing. I found what I was missing, it was a feeling, an emotion that had been hiding for quite some time. Inner peace.  Fun fact: ahhhhhhh.

Lesson learned

Don't scratch your mosquito bites. Not only do they become infected and take ages to heal because of the humidity (or not treating them, cough cough) but you can also score yourself a trip to a hospital that takes you back to the 1920's. Or an SAW movie. The staff was very friendly and helpful but I was taken to the Emergency Sursgery (spelling error included) to have my infected wound peeled open and bandaged up. No doctor needed appearently, just some antibiotics and on my way! On the bright side it only took two days for the medicine to kick in and I'm up and walking again. Fun fact: a hospital visit is only half the price if the doctor doesn't do the examination!