skip this post if you have morals

This post, although i will try to be a little less descriptive, is rated don't read if your my grandparents, or XXX. Night 1: took off to Soi Cowboy, infamous for it's sex shows but luckily classier (if that can be said) then Patpong area (don't worry, we got there too). Camilla and I wrangled two other stragglers and I met up with my friend Mr. Jambells and we went into Long Gun which is supposed to have the best show in the safest environment. While the girls here seemed like they were having a much better time then other places I've been to (I mean, I haven't done this sort of thing before. I mean I haven't...I didn't... Never mind) we were all too busy chatting to realize there were about a dozen naked girls in front of us and next thing I know we are all running to the clubs. Jambells and  I ditched the other three as they got sucked into a black hole of club death and took off for the RCA. Yup, it's rainy season everywhere, it was nothing how I remembered. We shook our tail feathers a bit before we headed home for the night. Fun Fact: I woke up on the floor with... You guessed it! A plate of Pad Thai by my side. Night 2: J: What are we doing tonight Britt? B: I'm glad you asked James. Tonight we will be going to a ping pong show... Jambells get a giant grin on his face and high fives me, J: I told you you are my favorite person I've met in this trip right? As the sun begins the set we end up taking down some beers and having too many Jägerbombs with an East Indian couple we met. The husband had me in tears, his humor is as dry Hilary Clinton during the Lewinsky days, and his wife was just so peaceful. Really lovely people I hope to visit, or as he said, babysit for, in the near future. Bu then it was time. We got in a cab and headed to Patpong, the red light district. We were barely out of the vehicle and some guy was leading us down an alley, yay!, and up some grubby ill lit steps, yay! We took our seats, only customers in the house, ugh and waited for the fun to start. I'll put this in list form and you can use your imagination. This is what the girls can do: pop balloons, blow out candles, knit a scarf, drop fish in glass, something to do with a razor blade, typical magician scarf trick, and of course, ping pong balls. On that note, Jambells and I were both offered a paddle (so happy I have purel in my purse) as the woman shot at us. I screamed the whole time and Jambells actually hit it back and it smoked her in the face, bonus! Then one of the girls come around with a little aquarium net and scooped up the balls from where ever they have been shot. Let's get out of here. Fun Fact: these women are leeches, always tip, but tip small, and go with a girl if you can, we save the day. Night 3: my favorite! Gay night! Jambells, a true friend, came with me for most of the fun. I told the cabbie Silom but as we arrived realized we were back in the Patpong area. Hold up tonto, I want gay boys. He started laughing, you like gay boy? Yes, I hope to be one in my next life. Turns out all the gays were loving life in the soi's surrounding Patpong and I totally missed them the night before. Damn. So here we go, starting on the pub street I'm surrounded, surrounded! I start chatting immediately with the bar tenders and servers (this boys are hot!) and finally work my way snaking through tables conversing and getting pictures with randoms. Just before heading to the other Soi, there all the clubs are, I met Miss Congeniality. What a diva. He and I started tranny stomping down the street holding hands and singing Lady Gaga as Jambells chased after us. "tonight we dance! We dance because we are beautiful! We dance to let our beautiful energy out!" and his shirt is off and he is in a cage like a glorious cockatoo. I'm bouncing around like crazy between the two rooms trying to make up my mind where to be as one has better music but the other has better people and realize there is another floor! At this point my pupils are dilated, I can't stop dancing, and my smile has concurred my face. Jambells walks up to me (from the cage, good for him!) and says "flourish Britt, have fun with your boys, I'm going home) weeeee! Next thing I know I've started chatting with one really cute boy who wants this other really cute boy to come to this underground club, but he won't budge. Don't worry BB's got it. Yup, gays in the bag...let's roll! I was the only girl in this last club, surrounded by yum yum everywhere. It's actually more fun to be surrounded but ripped, hot, gay guys because they are all going to love and give you so much attention, as opposed to the breeders. We danced and danced and anytime I needed anything my gays had it covered, they even came to the bathroom with me. I swear they would have held my hand had I asked them. Just before sun up I had to try and nab a tuk tuk as my voice was gone, I looked like the rat that ran over my foot in China town, and Jambells and I were heading to Chatachuk market. Fun Fact: we never made it to the market.