Nothing ends a yoga class like a hot cup of talk

For my second shot at energizing my mind body and soul I signed up for a yoga class. Let me tell you, the day after the massage class it didn't seem like the best idea as I sauntered bowl legged to Mam's house. Mam is a 67 year old Hindu (both Thai and East Indian) from Bangkok but you'd never know it but her flexibility and outlook on life. She is not only physically fit but has the mentality of someone so young and still learning but with firm beliefs and opinions. Her class started out with a half hour meditation and moved from stretching to a few classic yoga moves into several rounds of the sun salutation. I'm embarrassed to say that our fitness levels are no where near each other. I did empress myself with some poses and was disappointed with others, Bikram yoga is definitely the way to go if you are questioning your flexibility. Mam also had us practicing hand stands, what a treat and was very confident everyone could do one, and we all could, thanks Mam I'll add that to my resume 'can stand on head'. To end our yoga session Mam whipped us up a Thai meal and we all sat around listening to her gossip. I was laughing so hard a noodle came out my nose. Drama drama everywhere. She told us who was drinking, who had several wives, who was a con artist, trouble maker, you name it. She just lit up when she was dishing all this news but a little of it was rather disturbing. It sounds like she fights with most of the women here because she is friends with the foreigners and happy doing her own thing. They criticize her for cooking for her students and giving them cheap accommodation but as she says "don't tell me my business" and she can't take her money with her when she dies and as long as her dogs are fed she is happy. She has also donated her body to the hospital after she passes as she says she is a teacher in life and will be in death (meaning her body will teach the med students) what a lovely concept. to top it all off she keeps the empty water bottles of the students to give to the disabled man who wanders around picking through garbages so that he doesn't have to do that. It was a very enlightening day and I've achieved a happiness buckets can't provide. Fun Fact: While we were all struggling into handstands against the wall trying not to fall over Mam went to the middle of the room popped herself up on her head in one swift motion and went into the splits. My jaw dropped, 67 years young! 

Thai massage with Aum

Let me first introduce to you little Ting Tong before I get the ballet that is Thai massage underway. Ting Tong in Thai means crazy, and my teacher, Aum, has it tattooed behind her ear. This short stack is covered in tattoos, drinks whiskey like a champ, and has a soothing voice as she coos "Dahling" at everyone she encounters. I went to sign up for  her massage course and she was clearly on a day off, drinking beers with the girls. I stopped by the market at night for some cheap eats as her and her friend screamed at me to join them. They had already conquered four bottles of Sang Som, this is looking promising. The best part was she kept saying "oh! I have to teach tomorrow dahling, look at us!" I was under the impression she forgot it was me. But this set me at ease for the next days events. I arrived bright eyed and bushy tailed as I waited for Aum to finish eating or wake up or what have you, ha! But she came in gracefully with a giant smile on her face and a "oh dahling, I think you know how I feel" all to well Aum, let's do this! She was a fantastic teacher, hung over as she was, the little gem even fell asleep during my practice on her. That made me laugh the most as she peeked at me through half open eyelids and said "ok we break dahling, I need a nap" cool, see you in a hour, you ball of fun. Basically she demonstrates on me, describing how her hands are the placement, pressure, duration, etc and then we switch and I go to work on her. I was pretty nervous but she had me at ease instantly with her soft slumber like voice saying "gooooood" "you have good thumbs, good pressure" and my favorite "chtick chtick chtick" which means you are done and can write down what you just did. We made it through the whole course in just four hours, I was pretty impressed considering all the work that goes into it, right up to a face and scalp massage (hello extra ten dollars in my services for hair!). I have an entirely new appreciation for the strength and limberness of these tiny woman. I was sweating, my back hurt, and when I woke up this morning I had muscles I never knew I had, mainly in the butt area. Now the Thai ladies have got the massage down pat, they move around you like little spider monkeys, manipulating and massaging, in one fluid motion. I however, was far less graceful and almost fell over several times as well as "cheated" a bit on certain sections because my body is not used to being bent over someone in such a way. I struggled the most with compensating for how tiny Aum is and stretching out the legs, I've never been praised for my balance. But came out feeling confident, her gentle voice is always helpful. Fun Fact: Thai massages hurt. But well worth it when it's over, who's up?! I need practice.

A little strung out

I was so happy to return to Pai. It's a funky, artsy, musician filled hippie town with so much to do and plenty of live music. Unfortunately when I arrived here the scene had definitely quieted down as it is rainy season. Typically the night market is swarmed with people and you can eat your way to a food coma down the street noshing on everything from sushi to vegetarian lasagna, baked potatoes and corn on the cob. Of course classics like pad Thai and Thai omelette are served at a fantastic price of 30 baht.  Yum! However, there are not nearly as many shops, restaurants, or vendors open so the magic has settled a little. Seems like wet season is a bit of a hard time out here. I just couldn't bring myself to wander bar to bar as only a few people occupied each place and in their own groups, I appear to be the only solo traveller. Just not up for making friends, gauging their energy. So I spent plenty of time flooding my head with the latest celebrity gossip, yup Johnny Depp is single, get in line ladies and lady boys! And decided this was no way to spend four days. Something was missing from my normal go get em' attitude and with only a week left in my second home I decided to jump on the band wagon and take some courses I had been putting off for months. Fun fact: I finally made my way to the tea house to do some writing, enjoy some chai, and what do I know! Some beautiful acoustic is humming in the background. A lovely last night in Pai.

A shout out!

It has been brought to my attention that I have a reader I did not know about, who is also interpreting to a second party who is too busy with her soup diet to read. So! I'd like to say "hello Papa! Love and miss you! G'ma, also!" Fun Fact: this blog is to be taken lightly, excuse my language and or behavior.

Doxycycline

an antibiotic that prevents the development of parasites in the blood that cause Malaria. This fantastic little pill costs as little as 25 baht or just under a dollar for 5 tablets in SE Asia. If traveling abroad (unless it's Mexico, then you just sit back and have another margarita, amigo) look into risk zones and availability of prescriptions drugs in the country. SE Asia is a godsend when it comes to obtaining whatever you want by walking into a pharmacy, and very inexpensive. So let's do a little math. Ok I'll tell you the scenario and you do the math or we are all in over our heads. It is recommended you take a 100 mg dose (1 pill) a day, two days before you enter the risk zone, while in the risk zone and for four weeks after you have left. SO... I'm going out on a limb here... If you are in a malaria risk zone for five days you need 35 pills and it's just under $6.00. Are you still wondering why people out here grow so old? It's so cheap and accessible to be medicated. Now I just saved you hundreds of dollars if I'm right. If I'm wrong I will probably end up with malaria. Fun fact: On the plus side it's recommended you take doxycycline with quinine (for 7 days), so enjoy those gin and tonics everyone! Disclaimer: I am not a licensed physician. all information is based on the results I got from the monkeys I tested on. PETA for life.

Mosquitos. How rude!

I've learned a thing or two about Malaria and other diseases in my travels. Let me start by saying, do your research first, talk to other travelers. When I first went to the travel clinic to see what shots and precautions were needed for my trip I was more then overwhelmed due to the fact I have wander lust and not paid holiday. For some, you know where and when you are going, what you are doing, and for how long. For those like myself you know the country or countries you will be visiting but not specifically the areas, season, or events that may be taking place during this time. Therefor, things can get expensive. The vaccinations seem to add up, both a pain in the arm and wallet (thanks, dad!)it may seem like a money grab (everything is) but the health nurses are also very concerned about the severity of the illness' if contracted. You can definitely weigh your options as to what is absolutely necessary (certain shots are needed to enter a country) and what seems the odds are actually in your favor on a positive note. For example, it was stressed to me that I take a treated mosquito net with me. Turns out every guesthouse has a mosquito net or a fan or air con to keep those pests at bay. So let's just say I threw $50 down the drain (no biggie in Canada, or 3 dozen Timmy's coffees) however that's a full week of local food and accommodation out here, I rue the day. Better safe than sorry? Well I'm sorry, I didn't need that. Malaria, right, back on track. Looking at the maps I couldn't give the nurse a straight answer but it looked like I wasn't going to be living in the jungle or hanging out in the pasture so I opted out. Just today though I spoke with a local who informed me Pai has Malaria, I did not have this information last time I was here. So I typed to my good friend WWW. For help. I'm not sure what medication they prescribe to you at the travel clinic when you accept malaria pills, but i do know it can get VERY costly as you need to take it x amount of days before, during, and after your time in a malaria zone. It could end up being hundreds of dollars. Fun fact: this post is getting long...the next will have the actual information and probably another rant for good measure.

Back in the arms of Thailand :)

Yeeeee! I love this place so much, I always forget. I'm currently in a small border town (Nong Khai, I think) waiting to tackle a 17 hour minibus ride to Pai. But, I've already had some fun... First off I'm pretty much on my own doing the border thing since I'm the only dumb dumb not heading straight for Bangkok, but there is always someone ot meet me at my next check point. Cue driver. So, I'm filing out my arrival card and I feel someone standing over me, suddenly he starts pointing like a maniac all over the paper so I look at him blankly and start laughing. Then he starts laughing and what do you know?! Well mister driver sir, I don't have a visa number, second off, why do you smell like my grandma? Ahhh! Whiskey, the scent of the prairies. He was an amazing driver though, very speedy. Then he made noises the whole time he had to carry my tumor (23 kg backpack) and pretended to cry. I was very sad when we parted ways as he was very gentlemanly offering me a chair and yelling at girls on the street. Thailand, let's never be apart again. For the next best part. The better I think (wish I could have stayed to see how it panned out) I'm putting my backpack through the X-ray, not quite sure why, as no one is in the room. and realize when I get to the other side that there is a hold up. Oh! What is it you wonder? Well let me tell you! This woman's suitcase is wide open and there are stacks upon stacks of fake, bundled, hundo's! So I'm killing myself laughing, maybe I shouldn't, but this money is just so fake looking that I have no clue what her plan even was. It was like a scene from a movie! So the woman is marching about yelling in Thai and the border guys are on the phone looking all serious, and I'm eyeing the cookies that were covering the fake money. What a treat, I wish I knew what was going on. Fun fact: Yay! Driver is back, and "reading" this over my shoulder, laughing and smelling all familiar.

Going out with a bang in Vang Vieng

All I want to do right now is drink a pitcher of blue Kool-Aid. The raspberry lemonade kind. And eat a dozen perogies. God, do I miss that.     Also, hours on the couch watching Dr. Oz, drinking Timmy's coffee. Ok, I vented, back to pack backing! The adventure continues! I've managed a week in Vang Vieng. My bed is full of dirt and baguette crumbs, I have pictures and videos that are definitely questionable and I'm pretty sure my baby toe (what is it really called? Pinky toe? Fifth toe? Toe that keeps balance?) in the evolution to come we won't even have it anymore...is broken. I had so much fun! All the while maintaining a proper prairie girl reputation, being called a bad influence and meeting people who go "you're Canadian Britt, I've heard of you!" why thank you. The town is really lovely, calm by day, nestled into the mountains full of 'full moon party' day glow wearers. It's rather quiet in rainy season, with multiple hangovers watching hours of Friends and Family guy, drinking mango shakes to make up for the lack of vitamins and holy crap! ... If I could type right now that would be a real treat! Don't blog after tubing. Getting to the tubing is whats up. The are several bars strewn across the river with jenga, swings, volleyball, you name it, tons of fun things to do! And lots and lots of mud. You can make your way by tube, or foot, I gave both a shot but decided I Didn't want my tube, I wanted to be attached to someone else's. It's absolute madness out there, they throw out a rope to pull you into the bar because the current is quite strong,  and unfortunately the river claims several lives a year, I can see why.  It's easy to see how people get trapped and start working here or how some people have dozens of bracelets on (you get a bracelet every bar you go to). They workers abuse themselves on a daily basis, some play as many as 20 beer pong games, other have to do a shot every time a boat comes in (roughly 3 every ten minutes) and others luck out and hang around the bar. No one leaves tubing in a proper state of mind. After a day of madness you can work your way to party island where buckets are FREE! And let the carnage continue. I prefer to alternate days of tubing and free buckets, you know, turning 25 and all...send help! Normally party island shuts down around two a.m. But you can currently dance until sun up since it's the Eurocup and the bars stay open until six a.m. Woof. Luckily my bed is a short crawl away. Fun Fact:Vang Vieng is clustered around an old airstrip once used by the CIA to fly covert missions during the Vietnam War.

It continues, like a waterfall

On my final day with Robert the Austrian physicist we decided to hit up the waterfalls. This guy was truly a gem to have in my life for a couple days. He came with me to the hospital and held my hand, in our down time he taught me physics and all the ways you can apply it... Basically to everything. But don't watch an action movie with him because he'll ruin the special effects by explaining why that was not possible. To top it all off he was just great company, I felt very at home with him. We got to spend the day at the most beautiful waterfalls I've ever seen in my life. Five tiers of liquid turquoise pooling into each other, the type of waterfall you know someone with too much money attempts to create on their own private island. The water was exceptionally cool, like Regina beach in June, so I found it very refreshing. All the others handled the shock better by flying off, or belly flopping from the swing rope. Robert was the only one who looked like he knew what he was doing up there as he'd swing out into a perfect backflip. Most people just smashed the water right from the get go. All in good fun I suppose. I didn't partake as my ankle is still a little sore and I managed to take a rather grueling trek up to the highest point of the waterfall. Was it worth it? I can't believe people I pass by ask me that question. Of course it is! The reward was a panoramic view of the pristine mountains while standing in an infinity pool.  Now my biggest stress was making it back in time to catch my 4:00 p.m. Bus to Vang Vien which meant I had to be back at my guest house at 3:30 and leave the falls by 2:30. Okay, got that covered it's only 3:10...3:30...3:54...4:05. I knew that guy at the ticket office didn't have a clue what he was doing. So I got mom and dad of the guest house to call and see what was up. Needless to say I sat around until ten to five before someone finally showed up. So I'm tuk tuking to the bus station, he takes my ticket, they chat for a while and he hops back in and motions for me to get back in and says "tuk-tuk!". I look at him and question, to VV?! He just starts howling and points in the direction of the next bus station. Buddha, have mercy. So my four o'clock mini bus ride to Vang Vien has turned into a five o'clock V.I.P (don't let that fool you) bus ride to Vientien, that at some point they will throw me off in the middle of nowhere to fend for myself. I am excited for this adventure? No. Usually I am. But I'm hangry (yes, so hungry I'm angry) and utterly exhausted because of course I couldn't sleep last night with all the excitement of waterfalls and bus rides. Hopefully this pans out...Fun Fact: totally got highway robbed by a tuk tuk (overcharging I mean) I looked him in the eye and said, you should be ashamed of yourself. He actually looked shocked! Winning!

My solo jungle trek adventure supreme in Nong Khiaw

Wow. Who knew I had it in me. I had really only gone to Nong Khiaw because Shay (the Israeli guy) couldn't make it this trip. But it was well worth it. Not only was the town quietly tucked away in the mountains with not a soul in sight but there was a fantastic, at times a little trying, trek to the cave of Thames Pha Tok. It started with a 3.5k trek in the blistering sun up and down, round and round a dirt road. Finally I reached a sign "directing" me to the cave. This is where it starts. I entered through a broken gate into a rice paddy. I should have turned around just then. I continued along the rice paddy tracks as not to fall into the newly watered earth, passed water buffalo and farmers. AND continued through more farmers fields, climbing over fences, and through corn fields. All the while I was following arrowed signs (usually pointing up and hundreds of meters apart) back tracking I'm sure. Eventually I made my way through a tiny path that was heavily jungled, under trees, over trees, up a slippery clay incline, with bugs the size of timbits whizzing by my ears. I was terrified, exhausted, and looked like I just stepped out of the shower. It was amazing! The cave however was a little beyond me. I went down, as far as I trusted myself and the cave. It definitely didn't see much traffic up there or in the interior, there were loose rocks everywhere so I didn't make it far, maybe if I was with a tour.  Fun fact: the cave was where villagers hid during the Second Indochina War. I couldn't imagine doing that trek in that sort of a situation.

Finding what I was looking for...

It took some time, almost the whole trip. But as I drove hours into the mountains, so high I was literally in the clouds, with trees below and blue sky above I made it to Luang Prabang. I found solace of the soul. A week passed without me noticing it as I wondered the streets, up 100m to the temples of Phu Si, and over the bridge staring at the beautiful Nam Khan. There is a still silence in this town, a calm that washes over the friendly smiles and drawn out "sabai dii's", it takes effect on everyone who comes here and what perfect timing. I found what I was missing, it was a feeling, an emotion that had been hiding for quite some time. Inner peace.  Fun fact: ahhhhhhh.

Lesson learned

Don't scratch your mosquito bites. Not only do they become infected and take ages to heal because of the humidity (or not treating them, cough cough) but you can also score yourself a trip to a hospital that takes you back to the 1920's. Or an SAW movie. The staff was very friendly and helpful but I was taken to the Emergency Sursgery (spelling error included) to have my infected wound peeled open and bandaged up. No doctor needed appearently, just some antibiotics and on my way! On the bright side it only took two days for the medicine to kick in and I'm up and walking again. Fun fact: a hospital visit is only half the price if the doctor doesn't do the examination! 

The Freak

"Every town's got a freak" Paul is rambling and I'm wondering if he is the freak in his town. We were reevaluating the previous nights events. We had gone down to pool bar to get a bite and have a bucket while chatting about music festivals and good times. Suddenly this man child, with an atrocious gummy smile, and Koosh ball hair cut is staring at me, only a few feet away. So, I smile and watch him, so serious, and finally he cracks a smile only a blind mother could love. I was feeling a bit relieved as he marched off somewhere only to re appear a few moments later and sit beside me. Ok, no harm in that, he's probably just bored and liked being around the Falang. To my surprise he actually had a bit of English, basic, but so was he. So, after a few buckets, more people join us and the Freak is still hanging about. He keeps asking if "I'm okay" ...ummm, yes? And is joking around, being silly, you know slapping my thigh and rubbin my shoulder, eventually putting an arm around me. He seems harmless enough so whatever. Finally, I've had all the attention I can for the night and tell Paul I'm going to retire. I leave the bar and mr. Man-child is following me, now walking with me, laughing like I just told him a joke, and he goes for my hand! I've dated a handful of retards in my day but this guy was pushing his luck (if any of my exes are reading this I didn't mean you). So I jerk away and say no, no, no and march off to my cabina. But I can feel his eyes on me as a round reception. I can't find the key in this black hole of a purse I'm toting around (I'm burning this bag ASAP) so I duck behind the hammocks and luckily it's almost pitch black where I'm squatted. Can you believe this?! Hiding from a freak, not that I was scared, I was curious as to what his next move was, he seemed very harmless. So there he appears, out of the darkness like an Asian version of the chupacobra! And he is just standing between my place and the couples next to mine. The girl is sitting on her computer with her back to him, no clue he is there and I'm just waiting, like a white ninja for him to make a move. He stares a while and backs away, but I'm one step ahead of this freak, I know he is looking for me and I can hear his footsteps around the other side. I'm digging hopelessly for my keys, knowing I will be caught up soon enough. Sure as shit, he comes back around, my search still in effect, and just stares at me. I finally find the key, don't say a word, get inside and brace myself against the door. Damn, these bent nails! What kind of security is this?!  Footsteps come up on to the deck and I hear mumbling, thank god, Paul. I barely open the door and yank him in... He's out there isn't he? Paul is killing himself laughing, "oh the freak, you've got a freak!" Paul quit pissing around! Is he or is he not out there. "oh yeah, he's just standing around" For skrillex sakes! I'm getting out of here, and you are coming with me. Let's go have a beer this is too much right now. Paul opens the door and the Freak is right there! At the door! He shuts it fast, starts howling, and goes "oh my god!" Let's go, please. Paul goes first, asks the Freak what he wants and tells him to leave while shuffling at him off the deck like a dog. He finally leaves and we manage to loose the Freak... For the night. He pops up here and there throughout the week, this time I'm avoiding him at all costs, not even making eye contact or allowing him to know I'm aware he is behind me while I'm sending out emails. Jeaysus! So here's where it gets interesting. Turns out the Freak has got a serious fetish for blondes. I mean he starts friendly but then tries to get too friendly. Yuck. It happened  to the blonde girl who was hanging out with us the night I encountered him, this info we relayed while he was creeping me, thanks. And when he was looking for me he ended up staring at me girl neighbor, another blonde. So this is how he picks out his victims. What does he do? Wait's until they are nice and tipsy and steals their shit! iPods, computers, phones, whatever he can sell throughout the island. He gets on their good side and when they aren't looking, boom goes the dynamite. Worst part is, all the locals and bar owners knows he does this and no one says shit! I can't believe it. Anyway, that info was relayed to me in between bathroom visits to toss my Halal. Paul once again all excited, especially with new info on him. Fun Fact: I bet you had to take a break while reading that one! Didn't ya?!

Been Der, Don Det

Aside from visiting SE Asia's strongest waterfall on the next island Don Khon, getting lost on a bicycle for half a day (only I can get lost on an island), and in during some serious downpour I read a ton and probably slept 18 hours a day in a hammock. It was glorious! Not as glorious as the shanty cabina I stayed in though. It was just over two dollars each a night so we took it. The gateway going up the stairs was just big enough for me to squeeze through, there were massive gaps above and below the door which was locked in place from the inside by two bent nails, the bathroom had no light and the shower rarely worked. On top of that there was no sink, you could bust through one of the walls just by whispering directly into it, the mosi net came down above the bed and finished about a foot above the mattress, or the space of a human sleeping so to speak, and as always, ants were everywhere. To take it all home I ended up getting violently ill for a couple days in which I got to spend several hours hunched over a squat toilet, could you picture anything worse to throw up into? Yes, so could I but it was pretty awful considering how weak I was. It was, however, the first time I've gotten ill on this trip so I gladly sucked it up. But on the Charlie Sheen side of things it had two hammocks and a deck over the Mekong river, Winning! Fun Fact: It is humanly possible to sleep for days in a hammock

If Jughead were Irish, his name would be Paul

I just spent a six day stint on Don Det, Si Phan Don with this outrageous Irishman. He had me in a fit of hysterics all day, sometimes until the wee Hours of the morn as well with his simple state of mind. Now that you've got a visual of what he looks like I'll give you a little insight into the creation that Paul is. He is constantly moving, rarely listening, usually talking to himself while playing air drums and or guitar, and really had no bloody clue what is going on around him. What a treat! The other morning, I'd say about four a.m. He kept me awake with stories of his youth getting all jacked up on coca cola and crisps while the parents got drunk at town picnics, then the kids would have to drive home while the dads worked the gas because they were to drunk! Maybe a horrifying story, I assure you no one was hurt, but it was the way his face lite up and he cackled uncontrollably when he talked about it that got me. Fun Fact: Irish women drink while pregnant