Saying goodbye to Thailand

As I embark tomorrow on my final journey through Thailand on my way to Cambodia I reminisce on the things I enjoyed and the things that annoyed me.

Let's start with phrases the Thai people have, and I absolutely adore them for this.

Thank you very big
Never try never know
Old enough to know better, too young to care.
Don't worry, chicken curry
Why not?
How are you tomorrow?

You will hear these sayings all over just as much as you can count on every town having a why not? bar.

I've come to terms with the outrageous, left side, driving packed in the back of a truck with way too many people in it. I've also come to terms with the speedo. Just terms though, and that's clearly the Europeans. As much as I sweat out here the humidity has done wonders for my hair and nails, I could claw your eyes out right now. Meow! And then I'd do a Pantene commercial. I love that there are always food stalls, you will never go hungry. The roti pancakes and fresh coconuts are in ample supply and cheap cheap! I give them one big bill and they give me several little ones! What a deal!

The people have made this journey. It really is the land of a million smiles. Even the women currently on my street who I pass three times a day with 3L of water each time always say hello. They must think I'm nuts, but I just can't quench my thirst. I'm up to 6L's! Everyone goes out of their way to help you, and the love and respect they have for their animals here would make any animal lover cry. Everyone has at least four pets and they are so loved, fat, and lazy, I wouldn't mind being reincarnated here.

Television and movies! What a joy this is to find, a little taste of home. I've had the privilege to have t.v. While sick in Samui. I've watched enough Law and Order that I have a Law degree. A least here in South East Asia. Forget Law and Order UK though, it's absolute rubbish. And they still wear those silly wigs. Have you seen Million dollar money drop?! If not, save your brain cells. If you have you can agree with me that these contestants have clearly been trapped in the ground for the past decade at least with oxygen to their brains cut off. The questions are painstakingly easy and these people just scream at each other the wrong answers. Read a book. I'm not the brightest either but when the question is "which of these is not on a Big Mac?" and the answers are either lettuce, pickles, or tomato. come on! I don't even eat meat and you just lost 2K on that?!

Ok so there are jus two things that have annoyed me. 
A) couples bringing their children to Thailand, go camping you freaks! And it's always the French, big surprise. they let their children run a muck everywhere including restaurants. Nothing irritates me more. My parents must have really lucked out, I don't remember ever throwing tantrums or even hearing stories of it. Needless to say my last two meals have been spent with "uncle jason's" tormenting my meal. If I had ever acted that way I would have been out of there right quick and punished but these parents either look at their little brats with proud looks on their faces or the "oh, they're just kids" attitudes. No. You're just a "shitty parent" and your children have ADHD. Take a normal vacation, I dunno... Disney World! Golden sand beaches where people want to relax are not places for screaming demons. I'm definitely going to be one of this parents who only likes their own kids. Kidding! Babies are bad!

B) people who don't realize you are directly in front or behind them when walking. If you can't sense someone behind you trying to get around and you are just faffing along you must be Helen Keller. Wait, no even she would sense someone trying to get by. Or you can see me plain as day but you have no problem walking right through me! This is unbelievable the amount of times this has happened. Just tonight some girl was in the way of a moto and jumped right into me full force, she got a grade four glare that's for sure. People can be just so inconsiderate. At the same time I realize we need people like this because the Canadians are too polite. You go, no you go, no I insist! We would be there all day, really I've let one person ahead of me and ended up in the same spot for fifteen minutes. Ugh, me and my manors. Once again, just a reminder to my rents. You hit the jackpot! Sure your eldest is a write off, but you did very well with me. Give yourself a pat on the back...nope! An air five!

Fun Fact: coconut water has the same isotonic makeup as human blood. It could be used as an IV drip in some cases! So drink up...  That is not your cue to become a vampire... Morrow.